Why You're Snapping at Everyone in Menopause (And It's Not Just Hormones)
Let's talk about something that almost every woman I work with brings up — usually with a little bit of shame or guilt attached to it.
Mood swings.
Snapping at your partner or kids and then immediately feeling terrible about it.
Shutting down completely because you just can't deal anymore.
Feeling like a stranger to yourself because you don't recognize this version of you who's so reactive, so irritable, so done with everything.
And here's what I want you to know: this isn't just hormones.
And it's definitely not a character flaw.
Let's talk about what's really going on.
You're Not Broken — Your Nervous System Is Overwhelmed
First, I want to normalize this.
If you've snapped at someone you love, or shut down in the middle of a conversation, or felt rage bubble up out of nowhere — you're not broken.
You're not a bad person.
You're not "losing it."
What's happening is that your nervous system is overwhelmed.
And when your nervous system is overwhelmed, you become reactive instead of resilient.
The Biology Behind Menopause Mood Swings
Here's what's happening underneath:
When your nervous system is dysregulated, your blood sugar gets dysregulated too.
And blood sugar instability = emotional instability.
Here's how it works:
Stress spikes your cortisol.
Cortisol messes with your blood sugar.
Your blood sugar crashes.
And suddenly, you're irritable, anxious, or completely depleted.
It's not that you're "moody."
It's that your body is riding a rollercoaster — and your emotions are just along for the ride.
Add in the hormonal shifts of perimenopause and menopause — where estrogen and progesterone are fluctuating wildly — and you've got a perfect storm.
Low progesterone makes you more anxious.
Low estrogen makes you more reactive.
High cortisol makes you unable to regulate.
And before you know it, you're snapping at your partner for leaving dishes in the sink — and then crying because you feel so guilty about it.
The Reframe: Mood Swings Are Stress Signals, Not Moral Failings
So here's the shift I want you to make:
Mood swings aren't moral failings.
They're stress signals.
Your body is telling you: I'm overwhelmed. I need support.
And the best part? You can interrupt this pattern.
You don't have to let stress hijack your day.
The Simple Reset That Works in Under a Minute
So what do you do when you feel that rising tension — that pressure in your chest, that heat in your face, that shallow breathing?
You pause.
I call this the Pause + Breathe Reset.
It's simple: take 5 slow breaths, making the exhale longer than the inhale.
Breathe in for 4.
Breathe out for 6.
Do that five times.
That longer exhale activates your vagus nerve — the part of your nervous system that tells your body: You're safe. You can calm down now.
And you can literally shift out of fight-or-flight in under a minute.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
Let me give you an example.
One of my clients told me she used to snap at her husband almost every evening.
He'd ask her a simple question — "What's for dinner?" — and she'd explode.
Not because he did anything wrong.
But because by 5pm, she was completely dysregulated.
She'd skipped breakfast, had coffee on an empty stomach, pushed through a stressful workday, and never stopped to breathe.
By the time he asked that innocent question, her nervous system was already maxed out.
Once we started working together, she learned to catch herself before she snapped.
She'd feel the tension rising in her chest, and instead of reacting, she'd pause.
Five breaths.
That's it.
And she texted me a few weeks later: "I can't believe something so simple actually works. I didn't yell at my husband once this week."
Why This Happens More in Perimenopause and Menopause
Here's what most people don't understand:
In perimenopause and menopause, your body is already dealing with:
Fluctuating estrogen and progesterone
Disrupted cortisol rhythms
Blood sugar instability
Sleep disruption
You're operating with less capacity to handle stress.
So things that used to roll off your back — traffic, a messy kitchen, a simple question — suddenly feel unbearable.
Not because you've changed as a person.
But because your nervous system has less room to absorb stress.
And when it hits capacity? You react.
The Pattern Most Women Are Stuck In
Here's the cycle:
Skip breakfast → Blood sugar crashes → Cortisol spikes → Feel irritable and anxious → React to small things → Feel guilty → Repeat
Sound familiar?
Breaking this cycle starts with stabilizing your blood sugar and regulating your nervous system.
That's it.
Not more willpower.
Not "trying to be nicer."
Just giving your body what it actually needs to function.
What Your Body Actually Needs
If you're dealing with mood swings and irritability in perimenopause or menopause, here's what helps:
1. Eat breakfast within 60 minutes of waking
Stable blood sugar = stable mood.
Skip breakfast and you're already setting yourself up for irritability by mid-morning.
2. Add protein to every meal
25-35 grams per meal keeps your blood sugar steady and your mood more even.
3. Practice the Pause + Breathe Reset throughout the day
You don't have to wait until you're about to explode.
Take 5 slow breaths (4 in, 6 out) a few times a day — especially during transitions like getting home from work or before dinner.
4. Stop over-caffeinating on an empty stomach
Coffee spikes cortisol. Cortisol destabilizes blood sugar. Blood sugar crashes = mood swings.
Hydrate and eat first. Coffee second.
This Isn't About Being Perfect — It's About Being Supported
You don't need to never feel irritable again.
You're human. You're navigating a massive hormonal transition.
But you also don't have to white-knuckle your way through every day.
You can give your body the support it needs so you have more capacity to handle stress.
And when you do? You stop reacting to everything.
You stop feeling guilty.
You stop feeling like a stranger to yourself.
Ready to Understand What's Really Going On?
If you're thinking, Okay, but what about when I don't catch it in time? — that's exactly what I'm covering in my free workshop on February 17th at 2pm Central.
"It's Not Just Hormones! Why Nothing's Working in Menopause"
I'm walking you through the three biggest symptoms that show up when your nervous system is stuck in overdrive — and mood swings is one of them.
You'll learn:
Why mood swings happen (hint: it's not just hormones)
How to reset your nervous system in real time
Simple daily practices that keep you regulated so you're not constantly on edge
The bottom line:
Mood swings aren't a character flaw.
They're stress signals.
And the solution isn't more discipline.
It's more support.
Not Ready for the Workshop? Start Here:
🎙️ Listen to the podcast
Get weekly episodes with practical, no-BS advice for perimenopause and menopause.
Listen to It's Not Just Menopause →
📥 Get the free guide
Download "The Perimenopause Morning Reset" — simple nervous system resets you can use starting tomorrow.
Download the guide →
📧 Join the email list
Get weekly tips on nervous system regulation, nutrition for menopause, and real talk about what's actually working.
Sign up here →
💬 Work with me
Ready for personalized support? Learn more about It's Not Just Hormones™ system and 1:1 coaching.
Explore programs →
